Archive for the Sad Things Category


Posted in Extended Family, Sad Things | 18 Comments »

Things aren’t too great with my grandma lately, which may be to be expected since she is very close to her 101th birthday (June 17th, but more officially June 19th since that is the day her birth certificate was recorded). And that is a very long time for anyone to live.

She barely wakes up anymore and doesn’t get out of bed except once every day or every other day to go use the toilet, and even then she can barely walk anymore and has to be wheeled the 10 feet to the bathroom.

A priest came to give her an Annointing of the Sick and she seemed to feel better afterwards, saying that it was “lovely” and “emotional”.

She can be woken up for short periods of time, but is exhausted afterward. She sleeps about 23 hours out of every 24. She is tired, and I suppose it is to be expected after so many years of life. In many respects she is one of the lucky ones, because she did not have a slow decline that lasted for years like many other people do. In fact, although she was already close to the exhaustion she is demonstrating now, she danced last month at a party. Her spirit is strong. Here is the video.

This Magical Fish Is A Dud

Posted in Home Life, Sad Things | 12 Comments »

We were playing “Fishy”, and Ivy caught me. She likes to pretend to catch a fish (usually its me or Violet), cut it, put it in the oven, take it out when it’s done, eat it, and then put what’s left in the trash. Its funny because I never cook fish so I don’t even know where she gets it.

Today when she caught me I told her I was a magic fish and that I would grant her three wishes if she would let me go. She said, “Ok!” She “threw” me back and smiling, said “My wish is….that you can make Marcela come to visit us!”

I could not even answer her, it was so unexpected and piercingly sad that I didn’t even know what to say. I just stared at her until she went on brightly, “You can do that for me?”

“Wish for something else, Ivy,” I finally said. I guess I am just not a very good magical fish.

Happy Birthday, Cel

Posted in Extended Family, Impossibly Cute, Sad Things | 14 Comments »

Ivy: Whose birthday is it?

Me: Marcela’s birthday.

Ivy: We can get her cake?

Me: No, I’m sorry but we can’t. She’s not here.

Ivy: She’s in church?

Me: She is in heaven.

Ivy: Let’s get her to come to my home! We can sing to her and get a cake.

Me: I don’t think we can do that.

Ivy: Yes we can! My love will just come out of my heart and float, float, float away and get into her heart, and then angels can get her and bring her to my home. And we can have cake!

Marcela, I hope you can feel Ivy's love and mine! I miss you so much!

Marcela, I hope you can feel Ivy's love and mine! I miss you so much!

On The Move Again

Posted in Ballet, Extended Family, Health, Sad Things | 16 Comments »

We are headed to LA on Saturday. Stuff has been happening with my family. First we lost a close family friend a  few days ago. She had been friends with my parents since before any of us girls were born. Her name was Irma Crow. For the longest time I thought we were related, just based on the closeness of our families. I thought she was my aunt, and her kids were my cousins. Anyway, she had scleroderma and cancer. She suffered a lot and for a long time. But it still came as a shock when it did happen.

And then a couple of days later, my grandma ended up having to go to the ER because of how ill she felt. It turned out she had a host of other problems apart from the tumors they recently found (and probably as a cause of them). She had a bacterial infection in her blood that could have soon caused sepsis, she has gall stones, and her liver function was not up to par. She was also dehydrated. Anyway, it all sums up to something very bad. At her age, I cannot imagine her having much more time. The tumors are likely not treatable, because the cure is worse than the disease. The doctor figures 6 months at the most.

And yesterday my sister Natalia went under the knife to have a lump removed. Signs point to it being nothing, but with my older sister Marcela dying of cancer at age 31, any little thing seems terribly ominous. All day I kept thinking the worst. We won’t have the biopsy results until next week, but everyone seems optimistic.

The last few days have been hard, and although I am trying to keep my chin up for the girls, there are moments when it all just hits me very hard and I just feel this overwhelming sadness and depression. Yesterday in the middle of ballet, with all the activity and “Oh, how cute!” smiles all around me I kept tearing up and had to go outside several times to compose myself. It was very inopportune, but I seriously could not help it.

I think I would have felt better had I been to church on Sunday and taken Communion, but Violet was too sick and I had to take her to Urgent Care. I have been praying, but I really need to get to church to find some strength and solace in the Sacred Species. Maybe this Sunday I can make it to St Therese for the Extraordinary Form.

Anyway, I am looking forward to getting to my family but not to the upheaval traveling causes me. Travel adds a different stress while being close to everyone takes stress away. Funny.

Well, here are a couple of pics from ballet and other things that have been going on. I have been too closed up in my own world to post recently but I figured I better do it before I leave, or it will never get done.

Ivy's first official haircut

Ivy's first official haircut

The Princess and the Pea from last week's ballet class

The Princess and the Pea from last week's ballet class

A tender sisterly moment

A tender sisterly moment

Violet's first pony ride

Violet's first pony ride

Ivy was very excited about getting to ride a pony again

Ivy was very excited about getting to ride a pony again

Violet curled up in Phillip's arms and stayed like this for a while, just staring at him.

Violet curled up in Phillip's arms and stayed like this for a while, just staring at him.

This week was Little House on the Prairie

This week was Little House on the Prairie

I loved those little bonnets!

I loved those little bonnets!

Ooooh, ouch.

Posted in Health, Sad Things | 29 Comments »

Ivy: Look, mom your belly is really popping out!!

Me (sucking it in): How’s that, better?

Ivy: No, its still just popping out.

Me (thinking, “That’s sad, I am sucking it in as hard as I can!”): Oh well…

Ivy: Mom, I love your belly, its soooo cute! (pats my stomach, gives me a hug and rests her head on my belly)

Me: Ummm… thanks.

Ivy (lifts up my shirt): Hello, belly!

Ivy then grabs my fat roll and makes my belly button speak like a puppet. “Hello, Ivy!” (in a deeper voice)

She gasps in surprise, “Oh! Mommy your belly said hi to me!”

Me (sighing): Yeaaaah…huh. How ’bout that.

Ivy: Awwww, your belly loves me!

Aaaaaaannnnd, SCENE!